The NFP files

Adventures in Abstinence

1. Avoiding sexual contact does not mean avoiding each other.

2. Make an agreement together, that if you desire to postpone a family at this time, you will both make an effort to engage in other activities to avoid sexual arousal.

3. Have a plan on what to do to avoid sexual arousal during each fertile phase.  Don't let sexual arousal overtake you.  Plan and prepare for alternate activities in advance.

4. Enjoy the "honeymoon effect" - Enjoy the love and bonding of engaging in non-genital activities and anticipate and look forward to resuming sexual contact on the next infertile day.

5. Remember to avoid alcohol or any other arousing activities that might tempt you to forget the above.

6. Examples of other activities:  S-P-I-C-E* (*Adapted from Pope Paul VI Institute, Omaha, NE) 

· Pray together.  Ask God to help you learn to relate to each other in non-genital ways, and to develop all aspects of your marital life.  Pray for the needs in your marriage and be open to God giving you new perspective on these matters.
· Read the Bible together and have in-depth studies together.
· Sacrifice your needs and serve others.
· Hug, cuddle and kiss each other.  Hold hands, and fall asleep in each others arms without the demands of it leading to anything else.
· Take walks and engage in sports together.
· Hug, cuddle and play with your children.
· Play with your pets.
· Watch a late movie together.
· Do gardening together, or other physical activities.
· Take time to read together, or read different material while you are sitting in the same room.
· Watch historical videos or the Discovery channel and learn something new together.
· Have intellectually stimulating conversations about history, politics, art, philosophy, medicine, ethics, psychology, the Bible, etc.
· Surf the Internet together.
· Show each other "I Love You" in creative ways … i.e. favorite meals, flowers, etc.
· Do projects around the house together.
· Plan future vacations and short trips together.  Read travel brochures and look forward to seeing new sights together.
· Each of you make a list of 10 special non-genital ways of loving that would be meaningful to you, and then share them. 
· Take the time to have meaningful discussions about what is important to you and make an attempt to meet each others needs emotionally.
· Ventilate frustrations and come up with constructive solutions.
· Read marriage-building books together and actually implement the useful instruction.
· Keep a sense of humor and be sure to laugh together.
Don Schloeder
Poway, California --- 1/25/2000

This is a handout that NFP teacher Don Schloeder presents to their clients

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